In the last couple years before I got sober, my life was governed by three emotions. I knew others but these three were in charge. They'd belittled and exiled all the supporters of joy of hope. Instead I was left each day to battle feeling restless, irritable and discontent. I'd start each day with a plan for victory, but by evening I'd been defeated again. Upon waking the first time (usually between 2 and 3 am), I felt restless. I was consumed with the guilt and shame of having drank again...and passed out again. I knew I had a problem. I knew I couldn't drink like "other people." But despite the personal treaty I'd sign with myself each morning, swearing abstinence, I was at it again by dinnertime.
Read MoreI haven’t been too busy. I haven’t been coping with any crisis or tragedy that has prevented from writing.
I haven’t been traveling and unable to connect.
I haven’t even had writer’s block.
I've indicated in earlier posts that I'm a slow learner. I've had yet another "Aha!" moment in the last week that I'm embarrassed took me this long to "Aha!" The first three steps of my 12 Step program:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
When I came home from Sewanee last summer, I had a better understanding of intervention. While there, we watched popular movies depicting the lives of addicts and some of their journeys through treatment. I'd willingly sought my own help for my drinking, but many do not. When I came home I started watching the documentary series, Intervention. I was a wreck of emotions watching every episode. I empathized with the addict as I related to every word said, every cry for help. I pitied the families. Whether they responded to the addict with love and support or judgment and dismissal, they all were the same to me-they simply didn't know any better. But I burned with anger and frustration at
Read MoreI love posting here for a few reasons. First of all, it's a therapy really. I get some of my crazy thoughts and beliefs "organized" on paper. Secondly, I feel like I accomplished something worthwhile. It's rewarding, fulfilling. When I'm not writing here, I get anxious. I find myself searching for things to write about. Writer's block, maybe? I want each post to be meaningful, so I know I need to be inspired about something before even beginning. I pray about it continually.
What do You want from me today?
Read MoreI love posting here for a few reasons. First of all, it's a therapy really. I get some of my crazy thoughts and beliefs "organized" on paper. Secondly, I feel like I accomplished something worthwhile. It's rewarding, fulfilling. When I'm not writing here, I get anxious. I find myself searching for things to write about. Writer's block, maybe? I want each post to be meaningful, so I know I need to be inspired about something before even beginning. I pray about it continually.
What do You want from me today?
Read MoreI'm still kicking myself for not speaking up. I was in a meeting last night and the topic was self worth. It was provoked by the questions, "how do you find self-worth? How do you get self-love?" I listened for almost an hour while people shared how they relied on friends, committed acts of service, evaluated their own decisions, and released self-inflicted pressures. I silently reviewed my own journey, searching for the transitions in my perceptions. Half-way through it came to me. I continued to think carefully, even prayerfully, to validate its credibility. It was affirmed many times over. I never spoke up and I wished I would have. Thankfully, I still have a forum in which to share:)
Read MoreIf this doesn't become a whole series, it will at least justify a sequel! It's important to me that I don't leave any reader doubting or questioning themselves after reading this blog. Yes, I have undergone a spiritual awakening, but I'm still human. I've come to know God better by starting a real relationship with Him, but I'm still a selfish companion. I've made a lot of progress this last year in my faith and my spiritual walk, but I still have far to travel.
I've spent far too many years wanting to feel how others looked. The last thing I want is for anyone to look down upon themselves because they don't write like me, pray what I pray, believe what I
Read MoreI like to ski, I don't LOVE it. I wish I did. My husband and kids do. But they've also been skiing since they were big enough to walk. Had I learned at a younger age, no doubt I'd be more confident. The atmosphere is exhilarating, and it's a great family pastime. You're outside, active in the elements and the scenery is often breathtaking. I'm also a big fan of apres ski, the fun after the lifts close. Eating great food and playing games while warming up in a cozy lodge or little cabin by a fire is the perfect end to any day. Addy, Mia and Ben are only nine, ten and eleven. They can't be left on the mountain alone. Although they're more than proficient on skis, they still need supervision.
Read MoreI haven't written in over a week. I've wanted to, but didn't have anything I felt passionate about writing. I prayed for direction a few times and nothing came. Yesterday, I started realizing how many times I've experienced true peace in the last seven months and even more so in the last seven days. Peace? Was that what I was supposed to write about? How? I woke naturally this morning, at 5:00 and I knew He was about to learn how. I'm writing as it comes to me. I also now have an answer to a question my girls asked me last year. I'm excited for them to wake:)
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Her story is one of the most scandalous in history. Upon vague memory of her name, I began to research (Googling) her character. I took note from some very credible and reputable sources including biblegateway.com, bibleodyssey.org, jewishencyclopedia.com and US News and World Report (hence, the word "some"). Although each of the four recount her story somewhat differently, they all shared a common acknowledgment. The details in Batsheba's relatively short story leave much to question about her character. Was she manipulative or victimized?
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