You Are Not Alone.
You’re not alone
I see you. I feel you. I understand. It wasn’t that long ago that I woke up on a Sunday morning, a holiday or even a weekday, feeling like a failure. Mornings were the most painful. Sure, my head hurt with hangover, but my self-confidence was shattered by shame. Once again, I felt defeated. Despite my best efforts to control, my promises to play it safe, my determination to only drink a couple, I’d failed again. No one knew the level of loneliness I was living, the solitary confinement I had self-imposed. I was convinced no one would understand. I didn’t look or act like an alcoholic. Everyone in my social circle drank too. How could I ever ask for help?
How could I ever consider living life without drinking?!
That regret we feel, that severe self-doubt, the confusions, it keeps us captive in a private prison of pain. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Because we’re not alone. There are millions of us-women who are dependent on wine or hard seltzer, beer or vodka and tonic to cope with the monotony of home and family management. There are so many of us who believed we were drinking just like everyone else, but secretly wondering if our behaviors were getting out of control. We’re women all over social media, in the rooms of 12 step programs, in support groups online and we’ve been where you are. We’ve lived those sleepless nights and woken to mornings determined to do different. We’re sober now. We’ve approached it many different ways, but I’m only an expert on my sobriety.
It’s only by the grace of God, that I’m sober today. I’d spent countless years trying to control my drinking. I tried to only drink on weekends-until Thursday...and then Wednesday “started” the weekend. I tried to only drink on special occasions-until I started hosting Taco Tuesday for my three small kids to justify a margarita. I tried to only have one drink-the ultimate test of an alcoholic-and failed every time. I even tried to stop drinking wine and only drink vodka in hopes of drinking LESS! But the more I tried to control it, the more I failed. And the more I failed, the more defeated I felt. It seemed hopeless.
But here’s the simply irony of it all. The pride of being a professional, educated woman and the confidence of a suburban married mother of three kept me from seeing the OBVIOUS. I continued to try and do the same thing over and over and over, expecting a different result. No amount of education, professional accolades or financial security helped me understand the most basic of concepts. I was getting nowhere trying to control my drinking my way. It’s like treading water. If I stop, I’m going to drown, if I cry out for help, someone might think I’m weak, so I’m just going to tread water right here over and over and over and over, believing that any day now I’m going to make it to dry land. But. I. Wasn’t. Moving. It’s INSANITY!
So, what then?! I had to consider an alternative. And believe me, I needed a lot of help to come up with one. But if my way wasn’t working, if I couldn’t quit drinking on my own, I was surely a bad hire. I was incompetent as a general manager of my own life. Let’s face it, we’re talking about our drinking, but the rest of our lives are directly impacted. My inability to control my drinking effected relationships, my ability to cope with any stressful or overwhelming situation, my willingness to put others first. Yes, we’re talking about drinking, but I was failing at managing my whole life. Nobody knew it, I looked put together, but I was always restless, irritable and discontent.
It wasn’t until I stopped trying to stop did things change. I stopped giving in to my self-pity, I stopped giving up on hope for the future and instead, I gave to God. I surrendered my drinking, my situation, my negative self-image and all my fears of the future over to Him. I literally said, I can’t do this anymore. Help. Me.
He’s ready to rescue you as well. In fact, He’s standing right outside that barred window begging you to stop resisting those restraints. Every time you try to control your own drinking on your own, every time you tell yourself you’re strong enough and smart enough to overcome this, every time you deny that you have a problem, the knots in those ropes securing your self-sabotage get a little tighter. Relax, let go and ask God to take over.
He’s there. He’s always been there. Scripture says, “He’ll never leave us,” (Deuteronomy 31:8). He longs to lead us into His refuge of relief because He created us and loves us (Ephesians 3:18-19). It won’t be easy, but it’s simple. We have to concede control, confess our feelings, confront our fears and comply with the directions shared by others who have gone before us. It doesn’t matter if we think we can or we can’t. His strength is enough (2 Corinthians 12:9), but we must acknowledge we need it, accept our condition and apply ourselves to our future. We don’t have to be perfect. We aren’t supposed to be! We just have to pursue Him and pray for peace. It IS possible because God can do anything.
To follow more of my sober story, God’s STORY, and for tips and tricks I’ve learned through my experiences of living sober through holidays, vacations, while raising kids and navigating feelings, subscribe to my blog below! I made a promise almost 67 months ago that I would be a mouthpiece for God’s unconditional love and His power to save us from anything, by sharing my sobriety. It’s the least I can do.